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30-25-6 (66)The Jackets would open the playoffs in Calgary if the season ended today. After Tuesday's 4-1 loss to the Flame(r)s, that doesn't sound so good. Next up: Edmonton, Thursday, 9:00pm |
Short Fiction
Kamikaze AnnThe Country Place
Liquor Shits
The Puppy
The Bank Teller
Dear Jorgé
My friend wants me to knock her upI want to sleep with my stepfather
Dr. Cruz provides advice for beating the winter blahs
Dr. Cruz is back
Drunk in the Booth
Ohio State rocks soft scheduleJackets fans silenced in Game 3
NFL hates Jets, Jews
Wings take Jackets to school
Billy Guerin tells Philly to suck it
Indians partying like it's 1991
Jackets headed to Dee-troit
The Near Future of Sports
Blue Jackets lose to faggoty Penguins
Blue Jackets salvage point in loss to Calgary
Hemsky, Oilers hand Columbus crushing defeat
Spineless War Room in Toronto screws Blue Jackets yet again
Terry Frei and Adam Foote give each other rim jobs
Jackets take on Avs in Denver
Blue Jackets in Anaheim for New Year's
War Room screws Jackets in Dallas
St. Bernardus or the Columbus Blue Jackets?
Nash, Jackets screwed
Opening week college football picks
The Truth
Child molester Jackson now a heroFather's Day notes from the Boss
Crew Change is boring
Mexicans show us how dirty they are
Columbus Police protect and serve criminals
Columbus Dispatch horseshit
Clowns suck
Columbus Police take their horsies for a walk
Fun with The Columbus Dispatch
We're millionaires, bitches
St. Patrick's Day observations
Ash Wednesday in Columbus
Signs you're in a bad neighborhood
Pickup lines that work like magic
Whitney Houston is a crack whore
Top 10 Elementary School Field Trips
Fun Facts for the retarded to share at cocktail parties
Things to do in 2009
The worst of 2008
Clintonville condo project burns
A good argument for arson
How to drive drunk
Jewelers make us hate Christmas
Buy more life insurance
Oklahoma is our new president
People in Philly throw things
Baked Oposum Recipe
Wheel of Fortune sucks
Movies that cause brain cancer: Cellular
How to pick up a prostitute
Good riddance to East on Arcadia
Is Columbus growing up?
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Ash Wednesday
Wednesday, February 25, 2009 10:00 pm
If you're one of those popesucking Catholic fucks, you've probably been walking around with cigarette ash on your forehead all day. Maybe you should go wash it off.
For those of you who don't waste your time with stupid things like church and jebus, Ash Wednesday is basically an extra day for Catholics to go to church and pretend like their leaders don't approve of priests having anal sex with little boys.
Actually, it goes something like this. People go to that shithole that God tried to wipe out with Katrina, aka New Orleans, and do the Mardi Gras thing. Fat Tuesday is the last day, and most of us have seen that one episode of COPS when the pigs get on their horsies and clear the French Quarter of all the lousy tourists. That means it's Lent.
Lent is this thing that may or may not lead to Catholic Jebus getting nailed to the cross by those sneaky, conniving Jews (Go look it up if you want to know for sure). Catholics go to church on Ash Wednesday, then at the end everybody goes up to the front to see the priest, who has taken a quick break from guzzling wine and masturbating to child pornography to grab an ashtray from the church bingo area. Everybody gets cigarette ash rubbed on their foreheads, then gives something up for Lent. Kids say they'll give up video games and shit like that, but that was bullshit twenty years ago and it's bullshit now. Adults say they'll give up drinking, but Catholics are Catholics, so at best some of them give up drinking before going to work.
Don't forget the meat. Catholics don't eat meat on Fridays during Lent. Some hardcore popefuckers don't eat meat at all, but that shit's old shool. Anywho, they don't eat meat on Friday, so restaurant managers everywhere have to accomodate all these assholes who have no problem ordering a double Jack and Coke but can't have a goddamn steak. The solution? Fish, which really does smell like unwashed cunt before and after it's cooked. That's nasty, dude!
We saw all kinds of Ohio State bitches walking around today, showing off their cigarette ash while wearing clothes suggesting their assholes had recently been devirginized by some closet faggot/frat boy. Those chicks should have to wear their cigarette ash all year long. That way, the rest of us know that while we'll probably get to ride bareback, it'll take a fall down the stairs to close the deal, because Catholic bitches hate abortions and birth control pills. The cigarette ash on the forehead says, "I'm a popefuck, but I think the girls down the hall are softcore Protestants."
Lent goes on for forty days. Forty days! What could you go without for forty days? If you said Catholic horseshit, you're on the level.


