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Mary Jo Kilroy is a cunt

Mary Jo Kilroy: Annette Benning plus 100 pounds

Columbus Blue Jackets

30-25-6 (66)

The Jackets would open the playoffs in Calgary if the season ended today. After Tuesday's 4-1 loss to the Flame(r)s, that doesn't sound so good.

Next up: Edmonton, Thursday, 9:00pm

Short Fiction
Kamikaze Ann

The Country Place

Liquor Shits

The Puppy

The Bank Teller

Dear Jorgé
My friend wants me to knock her up

I want to sleep with my stepfather

Dr. Cruz provides advice for beating the winter blahs

Dr. Cruz is back

Drunk in the Booth
Ohio State rocks soft schedule

Jackets fans silenced in Game 3

NFL hates Jets, Jews

Wings take Jackets to school

Billy Guerin tells Philly to suck it

Indians partying like it's 1991

Jackets headed to Dee-troit

The Near Future of Sports

Blue Jackets lose to faggoty Penguins

Blue Jackets salvage point in loss to Calgary

Hemsky, Oilers hand Columbus crushing defeat

Spineless War Room in Toronto screws Blue Jackets yet again

Terry Frei and Adam Foote give each other rim jobs

Jackets take on Avs in Denver

Blue Jackets in Anaheim for New Year's

War Room screws Jackets in Dallas

St. Bernardus or the Columbus Blue Jackets?

Nash, Jackets screwed

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Child molester Jackson now a hero

Father's Day notes from the Boss

Crew Change is boring

Mexicans show us how dirty they are

Columbus Police protect and serve criminals

Columbus Dispatch horseshit

Clowns suck

Columbus Police take their horsies for a walk

Fun with The Columbus Dispatch

We're millionaires, bitches

St. Patrick's Day observations

Ash Wednesday in Columbus

Signs you're in a bad neighborhood

Pickup lines that work like magic

Whitney Houston is a crack whore

Top 10 Elementary School Field Trips

Fun Facts for the retarded to share at cocktail parties

Things to do in 2009

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Clintonville condo project burns

A good argument for arson

How to drive drunk

Jewelers make us hate Christmas

Buy more life insurance

Oklahoma is our new president

People in Philly throw things

Baked Oposum Recipe

Wheel of Fortune sucks

Movies that cause brain cancer: Cellular

How to pick up a prostitute

Good riddance to East on Arcadia

Is Columbus growing up?


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Ash Wednesday

Wednesday, February 25, 2009 10:00 pm

If you're one of those popesucking Catholic fucks, you've probably been walking around with cigarette ash on your forehead all day. Maybe you should go wash it off.

For those of you who don't waste your time with stupid things like church and jebus, Ash Wednesday is basically an extra day for Catholics to go to church and pretend like their leaders don't approve of priests having anal sex with little boys.

ash wednesday chick

Actually, it goes something like this. People go to that shithole that God tried to wipe out with Katrina, aka New Orleans, and do the Mardi Gras thing. Fat Tuesday is the last day, and most of us have seen that one episode of COPS when the pigs get on their horsies and clear the French Quarter of all the lousy tourists. That means it's Lent.

Lent is this thing that may or may not lead to Catholic Jebus getting nailed to the cross by those sneaky, conniving Jews (Go look it up if you want to know for sure). Catholics go to church on Ash Wednesday, then at the end everybody goes up to the front to see the priest, who has taken a quick break from guzzling wine and masturbating to child pornography to grab an ashtray from the church bingo area. Everybody gets cigarette ash rubbed on their foreheads, then gives something up for Lent. Kids say they'll give up video games and shit like that, but that was bullshit twenty years ago and it's bullshit now. Adults say they'll give up drinking, but Catholics are Catholics, so at best some of them give up drinking before going to work.

Don't forget the meat. Catholics don't eat meat on Fridays during Lent. Some hardcore popefuckers don't eat meat at all, but that shit's old shool. Anywho, they don't eat meat on Friday, so restaurant managers everywhere have to accomodate all these assholes who have no problem ordering a double Jack and Coke but can't have a goddamn steak. The solution? Fish, which really does smell like unwashed cunt before and after it's cooked. That's nasty, dude!

We saw all kinds of Ohio State bitches walking around today, showing off their cigarette ash while wearing clothes suggesting their assholes had recently been devirginized by some closet faggot/frat boy. Those chicks should have to wear their cigarette ash all year long. That way, the rest of us know that while we'll probably get to ride bareback, it'll take a fall down the stairs to close the deal, because Catholic bitches hate abortions and birth control pills. The cigarette ash on the forehead says, "I'm a popefuck, but I think the girls down the hall are softcore Protestants."

Lent goes on for forty days. Forty days! What could you go without for forty days? If you said Catholic horseshit, you're on the level.