Sandpaper Handjob: Baked Oposum


Sandpaper Handjob: Because Jebus loves you

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Stupid homeless people aren't the only ones who eat out of the trash. This squirrel took a break from whatever it is squirrels do to catch a bite at this bin on tOSU's side of High Street. Yesterday's chilly weather kept most Ohio State bitches in the dorms, where many were no doubt working on their Freshman Fifteen.


4-6-0 (6) The Jackets are in Denver tonight to face turncoat bitch Adam Foote and the Colorado Avalanche. Foote, you'll remember, bolted out of town in such sneaky fashion that that the Indianapolis Colts called to congratulate him on being such a lying, sneaky little cuntface. Aaron Portzline, a kick ass dude on the Jackets beat, wrote a little something that sums up the state of the franchise rather nicely. Check it out over at The Columbus Dispatch. This is a must-win game, but with a 1-13 all-time record in Denver, we'll probably be watching pornography by the second intermission.

4-6-0 (6)

The Jackets are in Denver tonight to face turncoat bitch Adam Foote and the Colorado Avalanche. Foote, you'll remember, bolted out of town in such sneaky fashion that that the Indianapolis Colts called to congratulate him on being such a lying, sneaky little cuntface.

Aaron Portzline, a kick ass dude on the Jackets beat, wrote a little something that sums up the state of the franchise rather nicely. Check it out over at The Columbus Dispatch.

This is a must-win game, but with a 1-13 all-time record in Denver, we'll probably be watching pornography by the second intermission.

Cooking with Sandpaper Handjob

We were asked by a couple of folks to dig up the Baked Oposum recipe from earlier this year, which has proven to be just as popular in the city as it is in the more rural areas of Central Ohio. Problem is, we lost the goddamn thing and had trouble remembering how to get it just right.

After some runs in the Sandpaper test kitchen, we finally got it down, and found that not only is it dead on, but probably better than it's ever been before. Your neighborhood bums will love it!

To enjoy Baked Oposum, you'll need the following:

1 oposum, medium to large in size
1 car
1 busy street, speed limit of at least 35 mph
1 sun
2 tbsp motor oil
1/2 cup arsenic
40 oz King Kobra Malt Liqour

You'll want to select an oposum that is disabled but still alive. The suffering makes the meat more tender. Allow oposum to die slowly in the sun for 1-2 days. Using a small shovel, place on cardboard box. Pour 10 oz of Kobra down throat of oposum, then add motor oil and arsenic to remaining malt liqour. Gently shake bottle, then pour over fur. Warm with cigarette lighter and rolled up newspaper. Serves 2-4 bums.

Slayer

Good news! Slayer has been hard at work in the studio. The band started the European leg of the Unholy Alliance Tour earlier this week in Limey Land, where the band is probably already tired of the slop the English try to pass off as food.

Sandpaper Handjob: Because Jebus loves you

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Cooking with Sandpaper Handjob

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