Sandpaper Handjob: Columbus Police protect and serve criminals


Sandpaper Handjob: Our cunts hurt

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DET wins Western Conference Quarterfinals 4-0 The Columbus Blue Jackets had a nice season. Now it's over. So it goes. Stay tuned for half-assed Cleveland Indians updates, since you won't get any from Damned Gentlemen. Zing!

DET wins Western Conference Quarterfinals 4-0

The Columbus Blue Jackets had a nice season. Now it's over. So it goes. Stay tuned for half-assed Cleveland Indians updates, since you won't get any from Damned Gentlemen. Zing!

Columbus Police: To protect and serve criminals

Friday, April 24, 2009 10:46 PM

Remember Wednesday? You know, a couple of days ago? We told you about The Columbus Dispatch telling us about the Kwick N Kold clerks shooting in self-defense during a robbery attempt. Well, yesterday The Big D finally got around to finishing the story. It turns out that the clerks are the criminals. See, the Muslim cats fired warning shots that hit the assholes who were trying to steal some beer, then lied to the Columbus Police. Now they're being charged with falsification and negligent assault. We know Muslims are crazy and throw acid on women if they don't stay at home and make potato briks all day, but anything beyond falsification charges is assault on the intelligence of people who pay for their fucking beer with money earned from going to WORK, fuckers. Dig that.

The Dispatch usually lets its online readers know when a story was originally published and when it was last updated, but yesterday the original link was simply redirected in an attempt to make Sandpaper Handjob look foolish. We do not need any help looking foolish, and do not appreciate the disrespect. Do not be surprised if we take John Switzer's bird feeder and hold it for ransom.

"I hate Muslims."

This is the link from Wednesday. Oops! See how it goes to the Thursday version? Neat, huh? Makes you wonder why they didn't wait a few hours before putting it up on Al Gore's Information Superhighway.

Our whole beef stems from the fact that the man who murdered a clerk at the same drive-thru in 2007 wasn't named. That's fixed now. His name is Leon Mahone, and he is a murderer. So, yeah, it's all good, homey.

"I also hate Muslims."

The Columbus Division of Police is a different story. Two assholes are shot because they were stealing beer from Muslims who were polite enough to post a sign warning beggars, robbers, and thieves to go fuck with someone else unless they wanted to catch some gunfire. Sounds fair to us. Yet the Columbus Police let the wounded criminals off the hook? Horseshit. We'll assume it's easier to fuck with Muslim clerks protecting their product and working people riding bicycles on the sidewalk than it is to keep thieving, welfare-collecting urbanite criminals in line.

Chief Walter Distelzweig and Franklin County Prosecutor/Lace curtain Irishman Ron O'Brien better get their shit together before Columbus ends up like Cleveland or Dee-troit, where filthy urbanites have driven out those who go to work and pay their taxes.

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Sandpaper Handjob: Our cunts hurt

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Columbus Police: To protect and serve criminals

Friday, April 24, 2009 10:46 PM

Sandpaper Handjob:
Our cunts hurt