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DickRod isn't having much fun this year. After a 46-17 beatdown at the hands of Penn State, the school's first losing season since 1967 looks like a given. Hopefully Mrs. DickRod is more loyal to DickRock than DickRod was to Morgantown.

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College football's first week is full of boring games

While the NCAA presidents, Fox, and the Walt Disney nazis do everything they can to prevent a playoff in Division 1-A football, the rest of us are left to suffer through horrible non-conference match ups featuring the best and worst teams from the division formally known as 1-AA. In fact, most of the Preseason Top 25 will fingerbang a weaker 1-AA foe to kick off the season, so here's a look at the Week 1 slate.

Georgia Southern at #1 Georgia
While the Eagles have won six 1-AA titles since reviving their football program in 1981, Georgia will win by at least four scores.

#2 Southern Cal at Virginia

Youngstown State at #3 Ohio State
The Buckeyes had never faced an FCS team in the modern era until Cheatypants McSweatervest booked two home dates with his former employer. The fact that the game will air on the Big Ten Network is another insult to one of the most loyal fan bases in the country.

Chattanooga at #4 Oklahoma
Chattanooga is 5-17 over the last two seasons, including a 2-9 season last year that saw the defense give up 33 points per game. This is a perfect example of the soft scheduling the Big 12 is known for. Bill Snyder would be proud.

Hawaii at #5 Florida

Appalachian State at #6 LSU
A battle of national champions, we're pretty sure the Tigers will avoid the fate suffered by Michigan a year ago. A great game for a quarter and a half.

#19 Illinois vs #7 Missouri (St. Louis)
The only Top 25 pairing in Week 1 kicks off after 8:30, so be sure to stock up on booze early. Each team faces a 1-AA foe the next week.

Bill Snyder thinks Villanova makes a fine opponent

Villanova at #8 West By God Virginia
Morgantown will be too bored to set any fires, at least for one Saturday. The lackluster challenge presented by Villanova may encourage bored West Virginians to call timid stepdaughters into the living room, however.

#9 Clemson vs Alabama (Atlanta)

Florida Atlantic at #10 Texas

Louisiana-Monroe at #11 Auburn

Akron at #12 Wisconsin

Florida International at #13 Kansas

Eastern Washington at #14 Texas Tech
Mike Leach has developed a taste for cupcakes in the last few years, as the Raiders play two money games (UMass) this year. Texas Tech will pay dearly for it November 1st when Texas shows them what pretenders they really are.

East Carolina at #15 Virginia Tech

Idaho at #16 Arizona

Northern Iowa at #17 BYU
The stupid Mormons take on playoff qualifier Northern Iowa before a litmus test against Washington in Seattle in Week 2.

#18 Tennessee at UCLA

Washington at #20 Oregon

Tennesee-Martin at #21 South Florida
South Florida goes pink for the fifth time in six years.

Coastal Carolina at #22 Penn State
JoePa jumps on the cream puff bandwagon, contributing to a very boring Saturday on the Big Ten Network.

Baylor at #23 Wake Forest

Utah at #24 Michigan

#25 Fresno State at Rutgers
College football is one more good excuse to drink on Labor day, and this game may be one of the best of the weekend.

With only one game pairing Top 25 teams, and ten ranked teams bringing in bottom-tier opponents, college football fans will camp out in bars and living rooms simply for the sake of watching football. Look for Northern Iowa to give the Mormons a run for their money before falling just short at the end. The other FCS teams all lose by three touchdowns.