The worst losses in the history of Ohio State football

Desmond Howard

For better or worse, Ohio State football fans have a national reputation. The self-proclaimed Best Damn Fans in the Land are considered by many to be a bunch of cuntfaces. With members of one of the largest alumni groups scattered throughout the country, Ohio State fans are ready and willing to gather anywhere their beloved Buckeyes do battle, pumping money into the coffers and shitting in coolers.

It's easy for the fans and media in Columbus to talk about national titles, Heisman trophies, and Woody Hayes. It's not so easy to talk about Desmond Howard, Air Force, and the SEC.

Phil Steele, the king of the annual preseason magazines, will release his 2008 edition next month. A bible of sorts, its arrival will be followed by weeks of tailgating, drinking, and gambling. Job performance will decline, and happy marriages will flirt with divorce, but this is not important. In Columbus, Jim Tressel's job performance is what matters, and the public affair with the football team rivals Colombian soap operas in terms of passion.

Here are some games to talk about the next time a Bucks fan at the bar won't shut up :

1. Clemson 17, Ohio State 15
December 28, 1978
Jacksonville, Florida

After an off-year by Columbus standards, the 1978 Gator Bowl was arguably the lowest point ever for Ohio State and legendary coach Woody Hayes. Trailing 17-9, future degenerate gambler Art Schlichter scored his second touchdown midway through the fourth quarter. After a failed two-point conversion, OSU trailed the underdog Tigers by two.

The defense stopped Clemson to give the offense a final chance, but Clemson fat boy Charlie Bauman came up with a stunning interception of a Schlichter pass on third-and-long that all but ended the game. Bauman was slugged by an enraged Hayes at the end of the play, the favored Buckeyes were defeated, and Hayes lost his job the next morning.

2. Michigan 31, Ohio State 3
November 23, 1991
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Desmond Howard returned a punt 93 yards for a touchdown and celebrated by striking a Heisman pose in the end zone. The highlight is one of the most well-known moments in the history of college football.

3. Florida 41, Ohio State 14
January 8, 2007
Glendale, Arizona

The 2006 Ohio State model was one of the most talented in school history, with most experts conceding the title before the season started. Sure enough, the Buckeyes coasted through the regular season. Illinois and Michigan were the only teams defeated by less than seventeen points.

Unfortunately, the Gators dominated, destroying the Buckeyes on both sides of the ball. After losing to LSU in this year's title game, Ohio State fans have been shamed into silence throughout Al Gore's Information Superhighway.

4. Indiana 31, Ohio State 10
October 10, 1987
Columbus, Ohio

Indiana beat Ohio State for the first time since 1951, and Earl Bruce likely found himself wondering why he didn't take the Arizona job offered just months earlier.

5. Nothwestern 33, Ohio State 27
October 2, 2004
Evanston, Illinois

Upper Arlington native Jeff Backes and the Wildcats defeated the Buckeyes for the first time since 1971, and for the first time at home since 1958. Grown men could be seen openly weeping and vomiting outside of Campus-area taverns, mourning a loss that started a three-game losing streak. Quarterback Justin Zwick would eventually lose his job to future Heisman winner Troy Smith.

6. Air Force 23, Ohio State 11
December 27, 1990
Memphis, Tennessee

John Cooper's third straight loss to Michigan cost the Buckeyes a postseason trip to Florida and instead set up a meeting with option-minded Fisher DeBerry and the Air Force Falcons.

The Liberty Bowl wasn't the game players and fans had in mind, and cold, rainy Memphis wasn't exactly anyone's idea of a hot spot. This became obvious after Air Force overcame a severe size disadvantage and outworked the slower OSU defense, turning a 5-o deficit into an eight point cushion. The Buckeyes never woke up.

In 2005, DeBerry would found himself in hot water after a 48-10 loss to TCU. DeBerry remarked that Texas Christian "had a lot more Afro-American players" than the Falcons and "it's very obvious to me that they (colored fellas) run extremely well."

We think that's always been obvious to everyone, coach.

7. South Carolina 24, Ohio State 10
January 1, 2001
Tampa, Florida

John Cooper last game wasn't very much fun, unless your name is Ryan Brewer. A former high-school Mr. Football from Troy, OSU passed on the Ohio native, who ended up signing with the Gamecocks. Brewer scorched a dazed Ohio State defense for three touchdowns.

Rumor has it that certain players were out the night before and unprepared for the eleven o'clock kickoff. The same could be said for most of the fans.

8. Penn State 63, Ohio State 14
October 29, 1994
State College, Pennsylvania

Ki-Jana Carter ran up and down the field while the OSU defense took a shit in their helmets.

9. Michigan 28, Ohio State 0
November 20, 1993
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Head Drunk Gary Moeller and the Wolverines ruin spoil OSU's Rose Bowl plans.

10. Southern Cal 42, Ohio State 3
September 23, 1989
Los Angeles, California

The defense gave up six straight touchdowns and Ohio State was embarrassed by the Trojans. The USC Band spent the entire afternoon playing their stupid songs while the Buckeyes wilted in the SoCal sun.

11. Wisconsin 26, Ohio State 24
November 7, 1987
Madison, Wisconsin

Another loss to a mediocre Wisconsin squad did little to silence the critics in Columbus. Earl Bruce was fired days later after a loss to Iowa.

12. Michigan 13, Ohio State 13
November 21, 1992
Columbus, Ohio

Not actually a loss, but Ohio State President E. Gordon Gee, a cunning little fuck with a dope-smoking wife and a fondness for bow ties, declared that the game "must be Ohio State's greatest victory."

Some Ohio State fans won't ever shut up. In these situations it's best to wait for the fan in question to pass out on the patio in a puddle of his own filth.