Sandpaper Handjob: Because Jebus loves you

College Football

DickRod isn't having much fun this year. After a 46-17 beatdown at the hands of Penn State, the school's first losing season since 1967 looks like a given. Hopefully Mrs. DickRod is more loyal to DickRock than DickRod was to Morgantown.

The Truth

Retard Land

Last hope for a riot this year: Crew fans

Is Columbus growing up?

Ohio State fans are some of the biggest cocksuckers in the country. What does it take to shut them the fuck up for a while? How about another loss under the glare of the national spotlight?

For the second time this season, and the third time this year, the Buckeyes were defeated on national television, graciously settling for field goals so visiting Penn State could hold their spot in line for an ass kicking in the B(C)S title game this January.

Saturday's 13-6 loss officialy removes tOSU from any national championship discussions, although we stuck a fork in that shit following that collasal goat fuck in Los Angeles September 13. 41-14, 38-24, 35-3, and 13-7. Tress and company have mastered losing the Big Game, so surely the Buckeye Nation has learned to call it quits early and free up valuable bar stools for those of us who don't store our heads in our assholes.

Or maybe fans of the sweater have accepted reality. Within an hour of the postgame handshake, Short North taverns were flooded with eye candy of both sexes clad in Scarlet and Grey. Consuming Grey Goose and Stella at a furious pace, yuppie scum and the college kids following in their footsteps seemed much more concerned with drinking their way into each other's pants and smoking dope out on the sidewalk, which is exactly how it should be-at least on Saturday. (By the way, it is much easier to smoke pot in the open, thanks to the Body Nazis of Columbus throwing the cigarette people outside for their cancer breaks. Good lookin' out, jerks.) We overheard one asshole pissing and moaning about Tressel's Jesus-y brand of football, but his buddies quickly told him to shut the fuck up or go home. Get over it, jerkoff.

Jim Tressel doesn't give a fuck about the average fan, so why should the scoreboard dictate how someone spends the rest of their evening? Based on what we witnessed last night, at least some of the Cowtown zombies have realized that kids winning or losing a game on Saturday doesn't change the fact that the wife/girlfriend is probably fucking someone else.