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Picture of the Day
A Columbus police officer works special duty at the Neil Avenue Giant Eagle Wednesday night. You can bet he's on the lookout for Muslims and drunks who want to staggar around the grocery store without a shopping agenda. |
3Three road wins. That's pretty bad. Blowing a 5-0 lead in a 6-5 home loss against the Red Sox Wednesday night sucks, too. Strikeouts? Errors? We got that. Tribe '09! |
Short Fiction
Kamikaze AnnThe Country Place
Liquor Shits
The Puppy
The Bank Teller
Dear Jorgé
My friend wants me to knock her upI want to sleep with my stepfather
Dr. Cruz provides advice for beating the winter blahs
Dr. Cruz is back
Drunk in the Booth
Ohio State rocks soft scheduleJackets fans silenced in Game 3
NFL hates Jets, Jews
Wings take Jackets to school
Billy Guerin tells Philly to suck it
Indians partying like it's 1991
Jackets headed to Dee-troit
The Near Future of Sports
Blue Jackets lose to faggoty Penguins
Blue Jackets salvage point in loss to Calgary
Hemsky, Oilers hand Columbus crushing defeat
Spineless War Room in Toronto screws Blue Jackets yet again
Terry Frei and Adam Foote give each other rim jobs
Jackets take on Avs in Denver
Blue Jackets in Anaheim for New Year's
War Room screws Jackets in Dallas
St. Bernardus or the Columbus Blue Jackets?
Nash, Jackets screwed
Opening week college football picks
The Truth
Child molester Jackson now a heroFather's Day notes from the Boss
Crew Change is boring
Mexicans show us how dirty they are
Columbus Police protect and serve criminals
Columbus Dispatch horseshit
Clowns suck
Columbus Police take their horsies for a walk
Fun with The Columbus Dispatch
We're millionaires, bitches
St. Patrick's Day observations
Ash Wednesday in Columbus
Signs you're in a bad neighborhood
Pickup lines that work like magic
Whitney Houston is a crack whore
Top 10 Elementary School Field Trips
Fun Facts for the retarded to share at cocktail parties
Things to do in 2009
The worst of 2008
Clintonville condo project burns
A good argument for arson
How to drive drunk
Jewelers make us hate Christmas
Buy more life insurance
Oklahoma is our new president
People in Philly throw things
Baked Oposum Recipe
Wheel of Fortune sucks
Movies that cause brain cancer: Cellular
How to pick up a prostitute
Good riddance to East on Arcadia
Is Columbus growing up?
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Mexicans show us how dirty they are
Thursday, April 30, 2009 7:31 PM
Columbus has two possible cases of that flu bullshit, which the government and pork industry want you to call H1N1. The media prefers swine flu, while the Jews prefer Mexico Flu because Jews and their A-rab playmates think the pig is a filthy animal. We prefer Dirty Mexican Flu because Mexico is a dirty country and Mexicans are usually dirty and tolerated only because they push urbanites out of low and mid-priced, outer-ring apartment complexes with their low riders and music and butterfly knives.
Dr. Teresa Long of the Columbus Public Health Commission met with the media to discuss the possible cases and asked the public for help in slowing the virus so health officials could get back to inspecting massage parlors and dirty Chinese restaurants.
It is no surprise that something like this originated in Mexico. What would you expect from a land where people shit on the sidewalk and fight roosters, all while feasting on donkey meat washed down with tequila that tastes like gasoline. Of course the outhouse of North America has some disease going on.
The Columbus Blue Jackets are showing a surprising lack of class as the team addresses the future of its television and radio broadcast teams. The organization is viewed favorably by fans and observers, so it's a bit strange when the team leaves TV broadcasters Jeff Rimer and Danny Gare, as well as radio pair Bill Davidge and George Matthews, hanging around with their contracts set to expire in two months.
Drunken nut jobs everywhere were suspicious after a playoff-clinching victory in Chicago when Columbus announcers failed to mention late owner John H. McConnell or some of the bumps and bruises endured along the way to the first postseason birth in franchise history. Limited discussion of Adam "Tummysticks" Foote and his weasel-like departure in 2008 has also angered those who think management should stay out of the fucking broadcast booth.
Sandpaper Handjob suggests that the Blue Jackets give all four announcers two-year deals before they piss some people off. If the team wants new talent in the booth, they should go about it without acting like cocksuckers.
We didn't have a good time when we were called in for Jury Duty. We had to eat out of vending machines and listen to stupid people try to tell us about the law and how we were racist. The case was boring as hell, and we might have been in there forever if the men hadn't told the women to shut the fuck up so we could send this asshole to Jackson Pike for six months and get on with our lives.
A Montana man has the right idea. He told The Man he'd rather look at his dog's balls then report to the court. Good for him.


