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Picture of the Day
Dumbass steals Iphone

This is 18-year-old Daquan Mathis, and he's pretty fucking stupid. He stole an iPhone and was dumb enough to use it to email a picture of himself.

New York is a complete shithole and full of retards like Duh-quan, so take our advice and travel elsewhere.

Columbus Blue Jackets

38-28-7 (83)

Columbus took three out of four points during their trip to Florida, storming back to beat the Cats 3-1 on Saturday and gaining a point Tuesday in a 2-1 overtime loss to Tampa. Columbus is trying to hold on to the sixth spot in the Western Conference playoff race.

While we have a moment, let's say goodbye to the Dallas Stars. The Stars lost to Vancouver 5-2 at home, leaving them four points out with nine games to play. Dallas would be five points out if not for that cocksucker Colin Campbell and his War Room Nazis. Start looking for tee times, assholes.

Next up: Calgary, Thursday, 7:00pm

Short Fiction
Kamikaze Ann

The Country Place

Liquor Shits

The Puppy

The Bank Teller

Dear Jorgé
My friend wants me to knock her up

I want to sleep with my stepfather

Dr. Cruz provides advice for beating the winter blahs

Dr. Cruz is back

Drunk in the Booth
Ohio State rocks soft schedule

Jackets fans silenced in Game 3

NFL hates Jets, Jews

Wings take Jackets to school

Billy Guerin tells Philly to suck it

Indians partying like it's 1991

Jackets headed to Dee-troit

The Near Future of Sports

Blue Jackets lose to faggoty Penguins

Blue Jackets salvage point in loss to Calgary

Hemsky, Oilers hand Columbus crushing defeat

Spineless War Room in Toronto screws Blue Jackets yet again

Terry Frei and Adam Foote give each other rim jobs

Jackets take on Avs in Denver

Blue Jackets in Anaheim for New Year's

War Room screws Jackets in Dallas

St. Bernardus or the Columbus Blue Jackets?

Nash, Jackets screwed

Opening week college football picks
The Truth
Child molester Jackson now a hero

Father's Day notes from the Boss

Crew Change is boring

Mexicans show us how dirty they are

Columbus Police protect and serve criminals

Columbus Dispatch horseshit

Clowns suck

Columbus Police take their horsies for a walk

Fun with The Columbus Dispatch

We're millionaires, bitches

St. Patrick's Day observations

Ash Wednesday in Columbus

Signs you're in a bad neighborhood

Pickup lines that work like magic

Whitney Houston is a crack whore

Top 10 Elementary School Field Trips

Fun Facts for the retarded to share at cocktail parties

Things to do in 2009

The worst of 2008

Clintonville condo project burns

A good argument for arson

How to drive drunk

Jewelers make us hate Christmas

Buy more life insurance

Oklahoma is our new president

People in Philly throw things

Baked Oposum Recipe

Wheel of Fortune sucks

Movies that cause brain cancer: Cellular

How to pick up a prostitute

Good riddance to East on Arcadia

Is Columbus growing up?


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Fun with The Columbus Dispatch

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 12:37 AM

We used to subscribe to The Columbus Dispatch. We liked having it because we could line the litter box or wipe our asses if we spent all of our asswipe money on strippers and cheap coke. We cancelled after some telemarketing bitch called from the offices of the Big D to ask us if we wanted to subscribe.

What a dumb cunt.

Now we read online. Tuesday we read about these "historical" row houses occupied by Section 8 tenants. This is on E.11th, in the Weinland Park neighborhood. This might give you an idea of things:


People With Money used some of it last year to get the assholes in Congress to let them move their ghetto tenants to a different ghetto. The plan is to tear down the shitholes and replace them with housing that other People With Money want to live in.

That the horsefuckers in Congress have to grant permission to transfer ghetto handouts federal subsidies from the E. 11th units to other properties is crazy, but the big problem the developers face is Randy Black, some pussy from Columbus' Historic Resources Commission.

"Demolition to build new is not the first choice of the preservation office."

Well, fuck you, you stupid little twerp. Who the hell would want to keep these crumbling dumps or the assholes that live in them?

Dontelle Dukes, who lives in one of the row houses, said she'll be more than ready to move if the time comes.

"These apartments are no good. They're in bad shape," said Dukes, 28, who complained about mold and cabinets that are falling apart.

Maybe the stupid cunt should move and pay her own rent.


Some other stuff:

Dispatch Editor Ben Marrison enjoys sucking himself off every Sunday, and this week was no exception. Marrison sucked off the awesome Blue Jackets writing trio of Aaron Portzline, Tom Reed, and Michael Arace, but we only know this because he elbowed his way into the Puck-rakers blog, posting a please-read-my-stupid-column plea.

We never read Marrison's column, because he rarely talks about stories the paper doesn't run and why, instead talking about how great The Dispatch Printing Company is and what they do for Columbus and suck, suck. We think Marrison should stay out of our fucking hockey blog and start writing apologies for the paper endorsing another asshole for President and not demanding that the state start executing criminals at a more Texas-like pace.


Ohio State University President E. Gordan Gee, that cunning little fuck with the bow tie and dead son-in-law, must not be very happy with Dispatch Publisher John F. Wolfe, Marrison's newspaper daddy. A story Tuesday about Gee being a green energy pansy while sitting on the board of evil, Richmond, Viginia-based Massey Energy is sure to get the fat hippie dikes marching with stupid signs in front of the President's Office.

From pissing contests dealing with who gets to build an arena to coverage of crime against students off-campus, it's always fun to watch The Dispatch and tOSU play together, is it not?.


The Dispatch isn't all bad. We've always enjoyed this cartoon, which was published in the September 4, 2007 edition and pissed off the A-rabs:

Iran cockroach editorial cartoon

Stupid A-rabs.