Sandpaper Handjob: "Mommy! Oklahoma is our new President!"


Sandpaper Handjob: Because Jebus loves you

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The Magic Negro has selected Rahm Emanuel to be his new Chief of Staff. Emanuel is a shifty little fuck who wants to take your guns away and send all of your money to Israel, which he has duel citizenship with. You have been warned.


5-6-2 (12) When an NFL team goes down in overtime, it hurts. Fight to tie the game, put in some extra work, and boom! Some little place kicker guy like David Akers comes in and nails a 50-yarder. Mark it down in the loss column, homey, cuz they ain't no reward fo' losin'. Sheeeiiiit. Unless you're the Columbus Blow Jackets. Thanks to the NHL's stupid rule that gives teams a point for losing in overtime or the shootout, the CBJ can point to a nice little four-game scoring streak that's kept them within sniffing distance of the coveted eighth slot in the Western Conference standings. We see a mere two wins in six games. See for yourself: 10/25 @Minnesota L 2-1 10/27 Anaheim L 3-2 10/30 @Colorado W 4-2 11/1 Chicago L 4-3 (SO) 11/3 @NY Islanders L 4-3 (OT) 11/5 Edmonton W 5-4 It's kind of like fat bitches who lie about their weight when chatting online. The Jackets are 2-2-2 in their last six, but they are really 2-4. Which looks better to you?

5-6-2 (12)

When an NFL team goes down in overtime, it hurts. Fight to tie the game, put in some extra work, and boom! Some little place kicker guy like David Akers comes in and nails a 50-yarder. Mark it down in the loss column, homey, cuz they ain't no reward fo' losin'. Sheeeiiiit.

Unless you're the Columbus Blow Jackets. Thanks to the NHL's stupid rule that gives teams a point for losing in overtime or the shootout, the CBJ can point to a nice little four-game scoring streak that's kept them within sniffing distance of the coveted eighth slot in the Western Conference standings. We see a mere two wins in six games. See for yourself:
10/25 @Minnesota L 2-1
10/27 Anaheim L 3-2
10/30 @Colorado W 4-2
11/1 Chicago L 4-3 (SO)
11/3 @NY Islanders L 4-3 (OT)
11/5 Edmonton W 5-4

It's kind of like fat bitches who lie about their weight when chatting online. The Jackets are 2-2-2 in their last six, but they are really 2-4. Which looks better to you?

"Mommy! Oklahoma is our new President!"

No, but that's very close, my future ex-stepson. It didn't take long to raise the arm of the Magic Negro Tuesday, but it certainly took long enough for Tuesday to arrive. When the dust had settled, history had been made and someone had started working on blueprints for a basketball court and barbeque pit.

It was a season full of finger pointing and racist jokes, bullshit promises, and lots of masturbating to a broad who would have been the hottest VP ever.

Thank your god this bullshit is over.

We headed to our polling places early Tuesday morning, with two of us arriving at Tuttle Rec Center about 7:15am. A handful of unemployed Obama volunteers were hanging around, one of whom offered us malt liqour and child pornography in exchange for our votes.

"I'll go with Bob Barr, and he'll take the Jew Puppet."

"Y'all are throwing your votes away."

"Suck my cock, asshole."

Once inside, we were surrounded by pussies and faggots and other University District scum that we normally don't have to associate with. Grad students with babies in those stupid harness things struggled to keep the brats quiet while their chubby, raw-nippled cuntbag wives chimed in with advice whenever poll workers-one of whom was a fine sister with legs for days-made the mistake of discussing logistics within ear shot.

"Um, I think that if you had this line go there, and this line it might help, and..."

Sigh. One of the good things about Obama getting into the White House (snicker) is the fact that countless thugs will no doubt be released back into the wild, and then it will simply be a matter of time before these same big mouth bleeding heart twats find themselves handcuffed to the bed while being sodomized by the Ying-Yang Twins.

Sandpaper Handjob would like to congratulate Comrade Obama on a hard-fought victory. We look forward to quitting our jobs this January, and are also very excited about Uncle Barack taking care of us for the next four years. Sniffing cocaine of the tits of high-end prostitutes while watching The Fast and the Furious on a plasma television was once just a dream, but soon it will be a sweet reality.

Motörhead

They don't make bands like this anymore.

Sandpaper Handjob: Because Jebus loves you

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"Mommy! Oklahoma is our new President!"

Motörhead