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Picture of the Day
Only you can prevent haunted abortion condominium fires. |
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14-16-4 (32)Send unwanted tickets and paper bag masks to: |
Short Fiction
Kamikaze AnnThe Country Place
Liquor Shits
The Puppy
The Bank Teller
Dear Jorgé
My friend wants me to knock her upI want to sleep with my stepfather
Dr. Cruz provides advice for beating the winter blahs
Dr. Cruz is back
Drunk in the Booth
Ohio State rocks soft scheduleJackets fans silenced in Game 3
NFL hates Jets, Jews
Wings take Jackets to school
Billy Guerin tells Philly to suck it
Indians partying like it's 1991
Jackets headed to Dee-troit
The Near Future of Sports
Blue Jackets lose to faggoty Penguins
Blue Jackets salvage point in loss to Calgary
Hemsky, Oilers hand Columbus crushing defeat
Spineless War Room in Toronto screws Blue Jackets yet again
Terry Frei and Adam Foote give each other rim jobs
Jackets take on Avs in Denver
Blue Jackets in Anaheim for New Year's
War Room screws Jackets in Dallas
St. Bernardus or the Columbus Blue Jackets?
Nash, Jackets screwed
Opening week college football picks
The Truth
Child molester Jackson now a heroFather's Day notes from the Boss
Crew Change is boring
Mexicans show us how dirty they are
Columbus Police protect and serve criminals
Columbus Dispatch horseshit
Clowns suck
Columbus Police take their horsies for a walk
Fun with The Columbus Dispatch
We're millionaires, bitches
St. Patrick's Day observations
Ash Wednesday in Columbus
Signs you're in a bad neighborhood
Pickup lines that work like magic
Whitney Houston is a crack whore
Top 10 Elementary School Field Trips
Fun Facts for the retarded to share at cocktail parties
Things to do in 2009
The worst of 2008
Clintonville condo project burns
A good argument for arson
How to drive drunk
Jewelers make us hate Christmas
Buy more life insurance
Oklahoma is our new president
People in Philly throw things
Baked Oposum Recipe
Wheel of Fortune sucks
Movies that cause brain cancer: Cellular
How to pick up a prostitute
Good riddance to East on Arcadia
Is Columbus growing up?
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Music
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Downtrodn
Hotel War
The Husher
NOFX
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Norma Jean
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Three alarm fire at Weber and High set by aborted baby ghosts
Columbus Firefighters froze their asses of Monday morning as they battled a three alarm blaze at Weber and High, site of the Aborted Baby Condominiums, better known as Terraces on Walhalla. The project is on the site of a former abortion clinic, where many of life's problems are quickly and quietly taken care of.
With temperatures hovering in the single digits and wind chills in the negative teens, crews had to deal with water freezing almost on contact, the kind of information which gives Columbus reporters stiff peckers. Tino Ramos, who is more than capable, had one of his buddies helping him cover the fire this morning. This is because fire is sexy, especially in the winter. Holy shit, it's cold enough for the water to freeze! Ramos, grab Pat Bell and get your asses down there!
Investigators aren't sure what caused the blaze, but we put our money on the ghosts of aborted fetuses, or babies if you prefer. When we last visited the site of the project in May, crews were slighly behind schedule. We'd venture to guess that they're really behind now.
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Terraces on Walhalla in May 2008. Not much going on then, but an early morning blaze caused the third floor to collapse and reminded us all that aborted baby ghosts should not be disturbed |
Jebus freaks throughout Columbus are laughing their asses off, but investors in the Terraces on Walhalla are probably wondering why Santa Claus is such an asshole.
