Sandpaper Handjob: Indians partying like it's 1991


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Picture of the Day


There is no good reason for someone to take a picture like this. That's why we took it.


Game 1, Thursday, 7:00pm Rumor has it they're going to broadcast playoff games on that big fucking TV in the Arena District. If they sell beer, we'll see you there.

Game 1, Thursday, 7:00pm

Rumor has it they're going to broadcast playoff games on that big fucking TV in the Arena District. If they sell beer, we'll see you there.

Indians partying like it's 1991

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 11:00 PM

Some guy named John Buck just hit a lead-off home run in the bottom of the fifth to give Kansas City a 3-2 lead over the Cleveland Indians. If Kansas City can hold on, they'll hand the Indians their seventh loss in eight games, something normal people would call a shitty start to the season. Cleveland was swept by Texas in the season-opening series, then lost Friday and Saturday to Toronto, an 0-5 start that's Cleveland's worst since 1985.

John Buck, Indian killer

While the '85 season was bad, this team could be the worst Indians squad since urbanites were killing each other fo' dey Starter jackets and Air Jordans. It was 1991, and the Tribe's 57-105 record left them a mere 34 games back of AL East champ Toronto. That was so long ago OJ and Phil Spector hadn't killed anybody yet.

If baseball simply provides you with 162 excuses to get drunk, then you should enjoy the season. If you're damnedgentlemen.com, then perhaps you should watch some Stanley Cup playoff games until we arrive in the summer wasteland that is MLB, MLS, and ~~the WNBA~~ nothing else. At least Indians radio play-by-play man Tom Hamilton should have plenty of time to gossip and talk shop during the many blowout losses the Indians are to endure. If you ask us, Hamilton's the best in the business.

While the Cincinnati Reds are about to go over the .500 mark for the first time this year, we promise they'll be three under by the end of the month. JTM shitburgers, warm cans of Busch, and another shitty Reds team: They're together again.

YouPorn of the Day: None of our teachers ever fucked us at school, but we did sell acid to a regular sub we had in high school. We asked her out, because she was kinda hot and old enough to buy us beer, but she said her boyfriend probably wouldn't like that. We've always hated that bullshit line, so we started charging her sixty dollars a ten-strip instead of fifty. Fucking cunt.

The NFL released the 2009 regular season schedule today, and it looks like we don't give a shit. Seattle Seahawks fans should prepare themselves for a five win season.

Thought for the day: If you don't have anything nice to say, tell as many people as possible.

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Picture of the Day

Game 1, Thursday, 7:00pm

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Indians partying like it's 1991

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 11:00 PM

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