Sandpaper Handjob: We are millionaires, bitches!


Sandpaper Handjob: The official animal hospital of Michelle Obama

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Those bikes look pretty secure, don't they? The two Columbus Police officers patrolling the Short North on the custom-made units were taking a well-deserved break from harassing single-parents and college students Wednesday, possibly the nicest day of the year so far. Criminals also took advantage of the nice weather, harassing visitors parking in the city-owned lot at Buttles Avenue and N. High Street.

Those bikes look pretty secure, don't they? The two Columbus Police officers patrolling the Short North on the custom-made units were taking a well-deserved break from harassing single-parents and college students Wednesday, possibly the nicest day of the year so far. Criminals also took advantage of the nice weather, harassing visitors parking in the city-owned lot at Buttles Avenue and N. High Street.


37-28-6 (80) It took overtime, but the Jackets pick up a valuable two points against the Chicago Rainbowhaks. Columbus has also matched the franchise record for points in the season with eleven games left in the regular season. Next up: at Florida, Saturday, 7:30pm

37-28-6 (80)

It took overtime, but the Jackets pick up a valuable two points against the Chicago Rainbowhaks. Columbus has also matched the franchise record for points in the season with eleven games left in the regular season.

Next up: at Florida, Saturday, 7:30pm

We're millionaires, bitches

Wednesday, March 18, 2009 10:18 PM

This afternoon we found out that we're going to get $40,000,000:

If you know where we can buy some Vietnamese teenagers, let us know post-haste. We'll also need a tiger cage for quick and easy storage. Oh, and don't let that communist homo Barney Frank know we're rich. He'll take our wealth and give it to urbanites on behalf of The Magic Negro.

Oh, those stupid Canadians

Dig the small tits on the Canadian chanteuse. Those bitches just try harder.

You know that stupid friend of yours that always offers to call you a cab? Next time tell him that when we drove taxis for a living, we would drink at the bar until somebody said the word "taxi" or "cab." Then it was our time to shine.

Customer: Good night, sweetheart!

Hot Bartender: Don't drive! I'll call you a cab.

Us: Got a cab right here.

Everyone within ear shot: Yeah, John! Cab's already here!

Hot Bartender: Really?

Us: Fuck yeah, honey. (We point out the window.) We got it right out there.

Hot Bartender: Cool. Purple Hooters on the house!

Everyone within ear shot, as well as Us: FUCK YEAH! (Fifty dollars worth of small bills and half a gram of coke appear on the bar like magic.)

The moral of the story? There is no moral of the story.

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Sandpaper Handjob: The official animal hospital of Michelle Obama

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37-28-6 (80)

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We're millionaires, bitches

Wednesday, March 18, 2009 10:18 PM

Oh, those stupid Canadians

Sandpaper Handjob:
The official animal hospital of Michelle Obama