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Good intentions do not make for good pictures of t-shirts that seemed interesting at a given moment in time.


DET leads Western Conference Quarterfinals 2-0 Columbus fans should be sure to boo NHL Commissioner/shithead Gary Bettman tomorrow night. Bettman and tummysticks partner Colin Campbell teamed up to screw the Blue Jackets out of their proper playoff seeding. Columbus should be working on a sweep of the Vancouver Canucks, but are instead in danger of being swept themselves.

DET leads Western Conference Quarterfinals 2-0

Columbus fans should be sure to boo NHL Commissioner/shithead Gary Bettman tomorrow night. Bettman and tummysticks partner Colin Campbell teamed up to screw the Blue Jackets out of their proper playoff seeding. Columbus should be working on a sweep of the Vancouver Canucks, but are instead in danger of being swept themselves.

NFL hates Jets, Jews

Monday, April 20, 2009 9:55 PM

The NFL released the 2009 schedule last week. Normal football fans started making plans to watch their favorite teams, calling in favors to work buddies and working on excuses for stupid relatives to ensure that Sundays will be for drinking and football only.

Too bad you can never make the Jews happy. Not satisfied with running the banks and Hollywood, the Jews are pissed off because two of the eight home games for the New York Jets conflict with Jewish holidays.

The Jets' season-opening loss to New England is scheduled during Rosh Hashanah, when Jews exchange pennys and eat Gefilte fish placed in the assholes of their wives. Their next game, against the Tennessee Titans, starts hours befor Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is a celebration of the murder of Jesus, and Jews celebrate by secretly feasting on ham and raping Palestinian boys.

While the New York Giants were able to secure road dates for these holidays, the league dropped the ball and failed to grant the same request for the Jets. New York, it seems, is to Jews what New Orleans is to Afro-Americans, or whatever they're calling themselves this week.

It's hard to call Cleveland Indians fans spoiled. Sure, the Tribe has won seven AL Central titles since 1995, but two trips to the World Series ('95,'97) meant nothing but heartbreak and her best friend misery to northeastern Ohio polacks. No, Indians fans are not spoiled.

They are, however, fans of a team that finds itself sitting in the basement two weeks into the season. Positve people point out that the bad start can be blamed on the majority of the early games being played on the road, but positive people also thought it was a good idea to elect a Kenyan as President. Friends of the feather should get used to seeing two numbers increase as the season goes on:

The Columbus Blue Jackets have been unable to do much against Dee-troit so far, managing just one goal in the first two games of the Western Conference Quaterfinals. Tomorrow should be a different story, as the series heads south to Columbus and will see the Jackets shuffle the lines in an attempt to create traffic in front of Wings goaltender Chris Osgood.

Jackets fans should remember that now matter how things go the next two games, any neighborhood in Detroit makes Whitehall look like Upper Arlington.

Cheer for your team, go home to your somewhat safe neighborhood, and be grateful that, unlike Detroit, Columbus has managed to control its urbanites to the point that major grocery chains still do business within the city limits.

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NFL hates Jets, Jews

Monday, April 20, 2009 9:55 PM

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